


The ARKENSTONE Imbroglio

by Anonymous



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Nanny, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-08
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-26 13:02:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5005795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Bilbo Baggins is an author, a nanny, a hero, and a reluctant burglar.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The ARKENSTONE Imbroglio

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Knowmefirst](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Knowmefirst/gifts).



"I wasn't stealing from you," Bilbo said and his voice was far calmer than he was, heart pounding like a hammer under his ribs. He was about to be fired. Probably literally thrown from the premises, and all he was trying to do was save Thorin Oakenshield's _stupid_ ass from getting in a whole heap of trouble. "You promised me one-fourteenth of your company for rescuing Fili and Kili. The ARKENSTONE tech, by rights, belongs to me." 

"There was no handover!" Thorin growled. "Your contract said nothing about ARKENSTONE. ARKENSTONE was mine, and you had no right to give it - or sell it, did you? - to Dale, to that fishmonger of a Bard and that rat of a Thranduil." 

"I didn't sell it," Bilbo said. "And ARKENSTONE is yours but you owe Dale, Thorin, you know you do! We both know their Laketown factory didn't burn down by itself!" 

Thorin moved even closer, towering over Bilbo. "Are you accusing me of corporate espionage?"

"No!" Bilbo retorted. "You're a good man, you wouldn't do that. It was a side-effect of your S.M.A.U.G tests. These things happen. But you put a lot of good people out of work that day, and it's just wrong." He straightened, standing as tall as he could, and waited for Thorin to respond. 

Thorin turned away, his fist clenched, looking as though he wanted to hit Bilbo. He was shaking his head and muttering violent imprecations under his breath. Finally he turned back again. 

"Get out, you descendant of rats!" he said furiously, and, Bilbo thought, a little pathetically. "You're fired." 

Bilbo gathered up his messenger bag and made his way out the door. Thorin had slumped against the wall, his head in his hands, and down the hall, Bilbo could hear Fili and Kili crying as someone - from the deep voice he figured it was Dwalin - told them the news. He wanted nothing more than to drop the bag and rush down to their playroom, but he wasn't their babysitter anymore. 

How had it come to this? He closed the large front door of Erebor softly, and walked down the path to the nearest bus stop. He'd thought it was just a simple, easy, way to earn money when his books weren't doing well, and his inspiration seemed to have dried up, and now he'd gotten himself mixed up in the affairs of Thorin & Company. 

With a dryly amused chuckle, he recalled his father, long dead now, telling him he was more like his mother, the famous Belladonna Took, than he knew, and one day it would come out. Belladonna had been an explorer and an adventurer - there wasn't a place that was dangerous or hard to get to that she hadn't been to - the top of Everest, Antarctica, the North Pole, the middle of the Sahara desert and the Amazon jungle. Bilbo had always figured he'd taken after his father, old money Bungo Baggins, sober, staid, fond of quiet comfortable things, never much for adventures, but maybe Dad had been right after all. 

He hadn't expected this one simple easy job with Thorin & Company to turn into such a complete train-wreck. 

\------

His phone was ringing. Bilbo jerked awake and took his hands off the keyboard, where they had been churning streams of gibberish into his word processor for at least a minute. Even the coffee wasn't keeping him up now; he was unable to sleep at night and unable to stay awake during the day, and it was rapidly becoming a major problem. He hadn't made any significant progress on his book in weeks. 

"Gandalf!" he said into the phone to his old friend, blinking rapidly. "Good morning?" 

"Good morning to you too!" Gandalf answered. "There's a job going, and I thought of you, if you're up for it." 

"I'd had no idea you were still in business! What job?" Bilbo said, feeling a bit suspicious. The last time he'd trusted Gandalf, he'd nearly been blown up. Literally. 

"Where else would I be?" Gandalf laughed down the phone. "We just got the ad in and I thought of you right away, with your childcare license and all."

"Oh," Bilbo said. "One of those jobs. Good morning, all right!" His voice was tinged with sarcasm. His childcare license was current, but he hadn't watched children for a living since before his job at the newspaper, before the tragic accident that had taken his parents from him far too young. 

"Now it won't be a good morning until I go away!" Gandalf said with a chuckle, and then sobered. "Listen, Bilbo, I know it's not what you wanted. You hoped your book would be doing better and that you'd have made more progress with the sequel by now. But I also know you need the money. It's not a bad thing to watch children - as I understand it, you quite like it. And the pay is very good." 

"How good?" Bilbo asked, straightening up in his chair. 

"It's a job watching Thorin Oakenshield's young twin nephews," Gandalf said. "The boys have just lost their parents - surely you know how that feels?" 

"Yeah." Bilbo tried to hold back the tears welling up in his eyes. Three years ago, his parents had been flying away for a private holiday together, leaving him behind to his studies, as he was finishing college at the time. The plane had crashed mysteriously in the Bermuda Triangle and was never recovered, though many witnesses had seen it go down in flames. "All right. I'll give it a try. Email me the details." 

"They're on the way," Gandalf said, and true to his word, a new email popped up on Bilbo's screen. "Have a good morning, after all!" 

"I think I will," Bilbo said, opening the email and catching sight of the figure named as the yearly salary, which was nothing less than princely. "I think I will." 

\-------

Fili was the blond one and Kili was the dark-haired one, Bilbo kept repeating to himself, as two small figures, about eight years old as far as he could tell, dashed around the room. The housekeeper, Balin, stood next to him in the doorway. "I think they managed to get their hands in the cookie jar this morning," he said, shaking his head. "The little rascals. Now they'll have to run off the sugar, wear themselves out."

"Maybe I could take them to the park?" Bilbo said. "There is a park not far away, right?"

Dwalin, security guard of Erebor, stood just behind Bilbo, and head and shoulders over him. "I'll walk you three there, if you want to gather the boys' things," he said gruffly but not unkindly. "It's just a couple of blocks away." 

And over time, the daily summer ritual had gone like this: Bilbo would arrive just after breakfast, and take the boys to the nearby park, sometimes accompanied by Dwalin. Around noon, they would head back, carefully avoiding the edges of the industrial wasteland spreading out beyond the park, a large fenced-off area of land next to the river, where once Dale, a rival company to Thorin's, had their Laketown factory, until it burnt down several years ago.

They would shortly arrive home for lunch with Uncle Thorin, who was always there to greet them with a smile and a hug, except when he was out of town on business. The afternoon was generally taken up with a nap after lunch, which Bilbo would spend alternating between watching the boys and typing away eagerly on his newest book, then followed by playing a game of tennis with the boys in the private tennis court on the Erebor estate, or perhaps swimming with them in the private pool until dinnertime. 

One day, as the summer was wearing down, and it was nearly time for the boys to go back to school, Bilbo was running late, and dashed up the steps of Erebor maybe five minutes later than usual, throwing open the large front door, and calling out for Fili and Kili. "Where's my boys?" 

But no one answered him. The house was oddly silent, and after a moment, he called out for Balin and Dwalin too, but got no answer. Fumbling for his phone, he dialled Dwalin's number, and Dwalin answered immediately, sounding breathless. 

"Bilbo! Fili and Kili, we can't find them anywhere! They've snuck out, and we've looked all over the house and grounds. Do you have any idea where they might have gone?" 

Bilbo stood stock-still for a moment, horrible possibilities flashing through his mind. "The pool?" he asked. 

"Empty," Dwalin said. "And those boys can swim like fish, I wasn't worried about that anyway. They're not on the grounds at all, Bilbo." 

"Where else could they be?" Bilbo frowned. "Unless...." His voice trailed off. "I have to go check something!" 

"Where are you going?" Dwalin demanded. "I'll meet you there - Bilbo!" 

But Bilbo had hung up and was racing down the street to the industrial wasteland on the other side of the park. 

As he suspected, when he got there, he spotted a hole in the fence that had previously escaped his notice. Sighing and shaking his head, he called out. "Boys! Fili, Kili, where are you?"

He was rewarded with a faint cry from beyond the fence line, and carefully stepped through the hole, picking his way across the muddy, mucky ground, covered with all kinds of trash that had clearly been thrown there over the years. 

His phone rang just as he caught sight of the two small figures, who looked like they were up to their waists in mud or maybe quicksand. He answered it, breath catching. It was Thorin. 

"Dwalin told me the boys were missing," Thorin said hastily. "What's going on?" He was out of town, and sounded like he was in an airport, breathless from running. 

"I think I've found them," Bilbo said, approaching their position and seeing that it was quicksand they were caught in. "They're stuck in quicksand, Thorin, I'm sorry!"

"Save them," Thorin said, his voice very low and intense. "Save them, and I'll give you anything you want. One-fourteenth of my company, yours without hesitation. Just save them!" 

"I'll do my best," Bilbo said. He set the phone down on a nearby heavy log. The children were crying, holding onto each other, and slowly sinking. 

Bilbo looked around, spotting an old two-by-four that still looked fairly sturdy. He grabbed it, ran a hand down it to be sure it didn't have any nails on it. It was clean enough. 

"Grab this," he said, laying the board across the hole. "Try to pull yourselves up. Slowly. Don't struggle too much." Fili and Kili let go of each other and grabbed the board, and Bilbo found himself wading into the edges of the muck, first pulling Kili up very slowly. Fili latched onto Bilbo's arm and together they struggled up out of the quicksand and emerged with a sudden pop that knocked Bilbo backwards into the mud with two sprawling boys on top of him. 

They were covered in filth, but he laughed and called out to Thorin on the phone, "I've got them! They're safe!" Just then Dwalin came running up, followed by Balin at a slower pace, and it was Balin who picked up the phone and told Thorin the whole story, while Dwalin helped Fili, Kili, and Bilbo to their feet and checked them over to be sure they were all right. 

\----

Three days after that, on his day off, Bilbo got an email. 

From: Gandalf Greyhame [mithrandir@ardanews.com]  
To: Bilbo Baggins [bilbo@bagend.net]

Well, my dear Bilbo, aren't you the hero? By all accounts, Thorin can't get enough of praising you to the skies. You're in favour at the moment, and I was hoping you might be willing to help out some people who sorely need it. 

I don't know how much you know about the bit of ground you found the boys on, but it used to be the site of a factory, Laketown, owned by Dale. Years ago, they worked on various joint ventures with Thorin & Company, but one of them, the S.M.A.U.G. prototype, went badly wrong, and it ended up completely taking down their factory. Thorin disclaimed responsibility, but after digging into the data, I've discovered that it was a fault in Thorin's grandfather's design that caused the issue - the S.M.A.U.G. doesn't cool efficiently, and when it was put into use, it exploded. 

The explosion put a lot of good people out of work, and many of them haven't been able to find jobs, in this economy. Laketown was a specialist factory; it made very secret and important things, and their CEO, Bard Girion, is a good man who ended up in poverty because of what happened, while Thorin's family remains wealthy. The former Laketown employees have only managed so far because of Thranduil, a friend of Bard's, has taken an interest in their plight. Now Thorin's promised you one fourteenth of Thorin & Co, so think of what you could do with it! 

How about if I pop round for tea, say 7pm on Wednesday, with Bard and Thranduil, and we can have a chat about it?

\----

Bilbo updated his calendar immediately: _Gandalf Tea Wednesday_. His return email was sympathetic, and after sending it, he sat up for some time, reading over all the news stories from the time of the explosion. There were over five hundred families affected by the disaster, and he wanted to see what he could do to help. 

On Wednesday, the boys were napping in the afternoon, and he was sitting on the large comfortable sofa in the living room, typing away on his book, when he heard a hushed voice coming from Thorin's office, not far away. The door was open, and despite himself, he couldn't help overhearing what Thorin was saying. 

"No, Gandalf, I don't care about their plight, and frankly I'm sick of you bugging me about it! It wasn't our fault, they were too eager to press on with the tests and wouldn't wait," Thorin said, voice low and angry. "I've told you this before, a hundred times, so stop calling!"

There was a brief silence, then Thorin swore violently. "No, you're wrong, you have to be! Grandfather wouldn't have made a mistake like that!" 

Another short silence, and then Thorin seemingly forgot to be quiet. "Well, then I'll see Bard in court, and that slippery Thranduil with him!" 

Bilbo heard a clatter, as if the phone had been thrown across the room, and Thorin stomped out of his office, not noticing Bilbo on the sofa, and out the back door into the garden. 

Hands frozen on the keyboard, Bilbo considered what had just happened. Thorin was clearly not up for discussion on the subject of helping Dale at all, which meant that they really had little recourse. The employees of Laketown had done nothing to deserve what had happened to them, and although Thorin no doubt sincerely believed that his grandfather hadn't been responsible, he wasn't willing to change the situation now. It was up to Bilbo. 

Laying the laptop aside, he snuck into the office, with a quick glance out the back door. Thorin was talking to Dwalin, but could come back in at any time. Bilbo had to be quick. 

It was the light that drew his attention as he opened a random drawer, a shining beam decorating the top of a strange black device. ARKENSTONE was blazoned across the top of it, and underneath it there was quite a lot of paperwork with the same title. Hastily, he grabbed it all, and raced out of the office with it, pushing the papers and the device into his backpack with his laptop. 

He couldn't believe it, but he managed to get out of the house with it later on that afternoon, and spread the papers out on his desk before Gandalf's arrival, to see what manner of thing it was that he had. 

Truthfully, he couldn't make head nor tail of it, but the device was strangely warm and still bright in his hands. He could see no evidence of a place to plug it in, and figured it had to run on batteries - but what was it for? He felt a surge of energy run all through his body, just holding the device in his hands and for a few minutes was tempted to keep it for himself, to never share it with anyone. Slowly, he put it down on the desk, then covered it with a dishcloth that was to hand. The strange energy faded slowly and Bilbo stood in front of the desk for some time. 

The doorbell rang and Bilbo shook himself out of his stupor. Gandalf entered, ducking his head so as not to hit the low ceiling of Bilbo's apartment. Behind him followed a short, grim-faced man, and a tall willowy blond man dressed in a very fine suit, who glanced around at Bilbo's place in a way that made him realise he hadn't used his vacuum cleaner in some time. 

"Bilbo Baggins!" Gandalf said effusively. "You look like you have something on your mind." He cast a glance over at Bilbo's desk. "Or perhaps just on your desk."

"I'll get to that in a moment," Bilbo said. "But first, tea!" He heard the introductions of Bard and Thranduil as a mere formality, asked them all to get comfortable, and rattled around in his tiny kitchen for a little while, fetching tea and cake. 

\----

It wasn't long before Bilbo was handing over the prototype and the paperwork along with it to Bard and Thranduil. Thranduil, a man clearly prone to dramatic gestures, lifted it with a look of wonder on his face, while Bard smiled like he'd forgotten how. 

"Do you know what this is?" Bard said, gesturing to the device in Thranduil's hand. Bilbo shook his head, and Gandalf peered over curiously as Bard went on. "It's a medical device. It's the ARKENSTONE - it's called that because it preserves life. If you're on the point of death it will literally save your life until you can get proper medical treatment. Thorin will easily hand over a fourteenth share of his company for this."

"Are you so sure you want to just hand it over to us like this?" Thranduil said. At Bilbo's nod, he sighed. "At least let us get you on a plane somewhere tonight, or at the very least, you shouldn't go back to Erebor."

"I don't have a choice," Bilbo said. "There's Fili and Kili, and they need me." 

"There's other babysitters," Gandalf said. "I know you're fond of them but you don't have to put yourself at risk." 

Bilbo shook his head. "I'm going back." 

\----

Trudging home wearily the following day, Thorin's angry words ringing in his head, thinking about how he'd ended up in this situation, Bilbo nearly missed Gandalf's car pulling up to the curb beside him. "Get in," he said, and Bilbo obeyed, woodenly. The saddest part of the whole thing was that he'd really liked Thorin, and loved the two boys. 

He didn't cry, but it was a close thing, as Gandalf drove him home. 

Days went by. Arda News reported the return of the ARKENSTONE for 14% of Thorin and Company, and now Bard sat on the board of directors. Fortunately, Bilbo's name was mainly left out of it. 

One day Balin dropped by. When he entered the house, he took one look around and broke into a sad smile. "Now I know why your apartment's called Bag End," he said. "Look at the place, it looks like the end of a bag, all covered in crumbs and gunk! When was the last time you used your vacuum cleaner?"

"Um," Bilbo said. 

Balin shook his head. "But that's not why I'm here," he said. "Thorin and Fili and Kili, they've been in a car accident, yesterday. Fili and Kili have been asking for you, they won't stop." 

Bilbo gasped. "How are they?" His voice was shaking. "How's Thorin?" 

"Alive," Balin said. "Thorin's in intensive care, but the boys weren't hurt as badly. They're all still in the hospital. Come on, get your stuff, you're needed. And rehired." He got a mischievous look on his face. "Shh! Don't tell Thorin!" 

Bilbo wasted no time in getting to the hospital with Balin. Fili and Kili were in a room together, and their small forms all bandaged up nearly brought him to tears. He sat down on the chair between their beds and gently laid a hand over each of theirs. Fili's eyes were the first to flicker open, and he gave a brave smile when he saw who it was. Then Kili, who wasn't hurt as badly, squeaked, "Bilbo! Uncle Bilbo!" happily. Bilbo looked up at Balin with a contented smile, and Balin returned it. 

"Well, I'd best go see how Thorin's doing," Balin said. "Now that his boys are in good hands." And with another smile and a wink, he made his way out of the room. 

Fili and Kili were sent home two days later, but Thorin was still barely conscious. He'd tried to shield Fili and Kili during the accident and nearly been killed for his trouble. Bilbo went with the boys, and spent his nights in a spare room at Erebor, leaping up to get them whatever they needed so they could rest properly. The days were long and quiet, with Fili and Kili both injured. School had started but they weren't well enough to attend, and it fell to Bilbo to get their lessons from their teacher and teach them as a small class of two. 

\----

At the end of September, Thorin was finally nearly ready to come home, and Balin came to find Bilbo. 

"I may have let the cat out of the bag," Balin said. "He asked how the boys were doing, and I may have implied that you were around, taking care of them." 

Bilbo froze up. "How did he respond to that?" 

"He didn't throw anything, if that's what you're asking," Balin said. "But he did ask to see you." Bilbo took a step back. "Don't worry! We'll have Dwalin there, you'll be safe!" 

"Very well, then," Bilbo said. 

Balin drove him to the hospital amid a tense silence. Bilbo tried to collect his thoughts but wasn't able to come up with anything. 

Thorin looked pale and weak against the bedsheets, and Bilbo felt some of his worry drain away, and even more so when all Thorin did upon seeing him was give a wan smile. 

"Come in," he said. "I don't bite, or at least, I'm not going to today." 

Bilbo's feet seemed to carry him in without a conscious effort on his part, and Bilbo's heart was thumping in his chest like it would thump its way out entirely. At last he was standing by Thorin's bedside, and hardly able to get the breath to speak. He made an incoherent sound, and then closed his mouth. 

"I'm sorry," Thorin said. "I'm sorry for firing you, someone my boys love and trust, and I'm sorry for my words to you. But most of all I'm sorry for the way I acted in the Laketown matter. I was wrong. I woke up like this and suddenly my priorities had changed. I'd been so focused on family honour and making money that I'd forgotten the important things in life - family, friends, home." 

He gestured to Balin, who was standing in the doorway, and Dwalin, who stood with his arms crossed at the foot of the bed. "What's important is the people in your life who you care about, and that applies to everyone, not just me, but everyone who worked in Laketown who's struggling now, as well. Because Fili and Kili and I - we're the lucky ones. Someone else died in that car crash, someone that ARKENSTONE could have saved." 

Bilbo raised his head slowly, looking Thorin in the eyes as he went on. "I'm going to make it right," Thorin said. "I'm going to rebuild Laketown and put the ARKENSTONE into production there. And then I'm going to sell it at cost to whoever wants one. I'm not going to make money off a device that heals people." 

Thorin extended his hand out to Bilbo, and Bilbo took it. "And I'm going to rehire you to take care of my boys, officially this time." He gave Balin a quick smile. "Don't think I didn't figure it out all too quickly!" He refocused on Bilbo. "Thank you, Bilbo. I'm glad we met. I'm glad you did what you did, as awful as it was at the time. I hope we can be friends." 

Bilbo let out a breath he'd been holding for some time. "Yes, Thorin," he said. "I think we can."

\----

He was puttering around his own kitchen that evening when he opened a random cabinet and there was his vacuum cleaner. After a moment, he gave a shrug, pulled it out, and turned it on. A vigorous half-hour later, his floor was free of crumbs and bits of fluff, and he was putting the vacuum cleaner away, wondering why he hadn't done that ages ago. 

Just then there was a knock on the door. "Gandalf!" Bilbo exclaimed, and let him in. "Would you like some tea?" 

"A little red wine, if you have some," Gandalf said, finding a seat on Bilbo's sofa. "Well! All's well that ends well, then?" 

"Yes," Bilbo said. "Though I don't understand - how could I make the difference in changing his mind, when he'd never shown any signs of doing so before?"

Gandalf laughed. "Oh, Bilbo!" he said. "You're quite a little fellow in a wide world, but even the smallest person can change the course of the future."


End file.
